Smart Single Parents Speak #4: Guard Your Kids From Media Driven Loneliness

What's more important than your children? Of course, nothing. There is nothing in the world that would be worth trading for your kids.

And yet, sometimes we fail to guard our kids. We leave them alone emotinoally when we should be engaging them. Now, children are not going to up and scream, "Help me, I feel alone." Rarely will a child disclose feeling alone. In fact, they might not even recognize that they are alone becasue they are kept at bay with media.

TV, internet, texting and IMing can fill the lonely spaces in the heasrts of our children, but these technologies do not fill that space very well.

No child needs to be left alone with the internet. Here is what I mean:

The internet is unfiltered, which means that kids need to make choices that are often times beyond their capacity. There is fear (though it might be experienced as excitement) when they face something they do not understnad or something that is dangeorus. Parental engagement is super important when it comes to the internet.

Furthermore, media is impersonal. Media driven lonleiness is often pervasive and undetected because the child is soothed by the media. Don't think that because your child is not complaining he or she is not lonely.

Guard your kids from media driven lonliness.

Smart Single Parents Speak #3: Make time for yourself

Do you ever run out of gas? How often do you have absolutely nothing to give, and then that one last request comes in and you blow a gasket? Can you feel your blood boiling all the time, not because you're an angry person, but because there is too much list at the end of the day?

You need a break.

You might think you're invincible, but you're probably headed for a heart attack.

Take a break. You need a little refueling time. Hot bath with candles going. Cup of copffee in silence. A quick dive over to the sporting goods store or maybe the local craft store. Maybe you need a whole day. Whatever it is, you might just relieve enough pressure to make it through the next week.

Oh, that selfish you say?

Think about it like your car. You never think your car is selfish when you have to fill it up with gas. No, it just makes sense. Now, if you just spilled gass all over the ground like it didn't matter, then that is wasteful and selfish. But just doing for the car what it needs in order for it to run properly, that is not selfish.

It is not selfish to do what your body, mind, and spirit need in order to operate properly. Now, probably don't need three weeks in Maui (although it would be nice), but you might need a day to yourself. Find a way to get it.

Everyone will be better off if you do.

Smart Single Parents Speak #2: Set A Good Example

#2 Set A Good Example

Nothing teaches children better than a good example. A good example is is something that measures the consistency of the parent.

Here is what I mean: Parents usually give good advice. Their words of wisdom flow and take on feel of truth and sense. When the parent does, in his or her life, the very things that he or she says for the child to do, their is the power of consistency behind their words.

When direction communication (words) and indirect communication (actions) are parallel, the message is very strong. When there is this sense of parallel communication, the influence of the parent is more likely to bein the desired direction. Conversely, if direct communication (words) and the indirect communication (actions) are not parallel, there is a much lower chance of getting the desired result.

Non-parallel communication is likely to produce non-parallel communication in the child. This comes out in the form of lying, deception, say-one-thing-do-another behavior - the very thing we're trying to avoid.

Now, there are some things an adult can do that a child should not. However, it is important not to abuse that reality. It is going to be unconvincing to the child to say, "Don't drink, smoke and have sex," if the parent happens to be doing those things.

Live your life as a con sistent person and you will reap the rewards in your children.

Smart Single Parents Speak #1: Lower your Expectations

Last month I asked for your collective wisdom and you did not disappoint. Click here for a list of everything you said.

This month we are going to give each of these great pieces of advice some attention. These are not presented in any order.

#1: Lower your Expectations

There is a difference between being optimistic and having unattainable expectations. Generally speaking, optimism is a good thing and predicts good results. However, having impossibly high expectations predicts just the opposite.

When a person expects something that is very hard to be very easy, disappointment or feelings of failure are not far behind. Ths disappointment or feelings of failure almost always leads to misplaced blame. Blame is placed on the difficulty of the situation or the inability of the person. The real culprit here is niether. The villian is expectation that does not match the situation.

Expectations are subjective and really amount to a sort of fortune telling on the part of the expector. There is often a whole lot less information or evidence supporting the expectation than is believed or that most people would admit.

The biggest problems occur when people base their expectation on their wishes or absolute best case scenario. The higher the requirement for an expectation to be satisfied the higher the chance of dissatisfaction or disillusionment.

The converse is also a problem. Expectations that are too low might all a person to be satisfied with much less than was possible.

What yo might want to try is taking stock of your expectations and ask yourself if they are likely to result. If they are, then go for them. However, if you find that they are based on your best wished scenario, then you'd better ratchet is down a coupld notches.

What are the top 5 tips for single parents?

OK my friends, it is time for you to shine. We are going to spend February exploring the top 5 tips for single parents.

What I am most interested in this month is what you are doing that is working well. So, go ahead and make a comment here and brag a little. Share your success, no matter how big or small.

In later posts I will throw out a few suggestions, but I think we should start with you all and yor successes.

So please, brag a little.