How do you know?

How do parents know what their children are doing?

There is a lot of research out there that says that parent monitoring predicts parent knowledge of their kid's behavior. It makes sense, right? Watch them and keep tabs and then you will know.

But there is a problem. Recent and more sophisticated research says that the number one way parents know what their kids (teens in the study I am thinking about) are doing is that their kids tell them what they are doing.

So, the question is, what kind of relationship would predict a child desiring to disclose information to his or her parents?

Any thoughts?

Smart Single Parents Speak #2: Set A Good Example

#2 Set A Good Example

Nothing teaches children better than a good example. A good example is is something that measures the consistency of the parent.

Here is what I mean: Parents usually give good advice. Their words of wisdom flow and take on feel of truth and sense. When the parent does, in his or her life, the very things that he or she says for the child to do, their is the power of consistency behind their words.

When direction communication (words) and indirect communication (actions) are parallel, the message is very strong. When there is this sense of parallel communication, the influence of the parent is more likely to bein the desired direction. Conversely, if direct communication (words) and the indirect communication (actions) are not parallel, there is a much lower chance of getting the desired result.

Non-parallel communication is likely to produce non-parallel communication in the child. This comes out in the form of lying, deception, say-one-thing-do-another behavior - the very thing we're trying to avoid.

Now, there are some things an adult can do that a child should not. However, it is important not to abuse that reality. It is going to be unconvincing to the child to say, "Don't drink, smoke and have sex," if the parent happens to be doing those things.

Live your life as a con sistent person and you will reap the rewards in your children.

Smart Single Parents Speak #1: Lower your Expectations

Last month I asked for your collective wisdom and you did not disappoint. Click here for a list of everything you said.

This month we are going to give each of these great pieces of advice some attention. These are not presented in any order.

#1: Lower your Expectations

There is a difference between being optimistic and having unattainable expectations. Generally speaking, optimism is a good thing and predicts good results. However, having impossibly high expectations predicts just the opposite.

When a person expects something that is very hard to be very easy, disappointment or feelings of failure are not far behind. Ths disappointment or feelings of failure almost always leads to misplaced blame. Blame is placed on the difficulty of the situation or the inability of the person. The real culprit here is niether. The villian is expectation that does not match the situation.

Expectations are subjective and really amount to a sort of fortune telling on the part of the expector. There is often a whole lot less information or evidence supporting the expectation than is believed or that most people would admit.

The biggest problems occur when people base their expectation on their wishes or absolute best case scenario. The higher the requirement for an expectation to be satisfied the higher the chance of dissatisfaction or disillusionment.

The converse is also a problem. Expectations that are too low might all a person to be satisfied with much less than was possible.

What yo might want to try is taking stock of your expectations and ask yourself if they are likely to result. If they are, then go for them. However, if you find that they are based on your best wished scenario, then you'd better ratchet is down a coupld notches.