Many single parents feel this powerful tug. It is the tug of needing to get into a relationship. There is a belief attached to this tug. The belief is that when a relationship is struck up, then there will be happiness and satisfaction. There will finally be some help with parenting. There will financial help. There will be companionship that cna be counted on.
This tug makes a lot of sense. However, this tug can get so intoxicating that the most important thing can be forgotten: yourself.
What cannot be forgotten in the single parenting life is the self-work. This comes in two forms. First, self-work is similar to character development, self-discipine, and self-confrontation. These are hard things. and it may seem that the hard work of healing is work enough. Thing is, these are the same thing.
Second, self-work is taking time to be a human. That might mean NOT being a parent for a few moments and instead spend some time being a person. You might need some decent childcare in order to pull this off, but it will be worth it.
Self-work through discpline and treating yourself will go a long way to toward preparing you for that wonderful person who might be coming your way. At the same time, it will prepare you for being on your own should that person not come your way. It's a no lose way to live.
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Where single parents find advice, resources, and conversation
17 comments:
kudos to you. I have just happened across your blog for my college English class. I was supposed to find blogs that were similar to a topic that I chose for the entire semester that I have this class. I am glad to have come across yours. The topic that I chose was Single Parenting and its effect and Men, Women and chidlren. Being a single mom myself this was an obvious choice. I agree with your take on Self-work. It took me a while to get there but so far so good. I wish that I could have grasped this concept sooner but realize that I wasn't in a place to see it yet. Now that I am it has made all of the difference.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-11-17-childabuse_N.htm?POE=click-refer
This was an article posted in the USA Today. My aunt sent it to me being as how I am a single parent to a beautiful 5 year old girl. I have had quite a few relationships and introduced many men in and out of her life.
This blog helped me see that by bettering myself, I will be bettering my child. Despite the fact that it is human nature to search for a companion, everything happens in its own time. It cannot be forced and unfortunately if it is, the results can be disasterous.
We live in a world that you cannot trust others. I'm in the process of a divorce. I have been married for one year. My daughter called my husband dad. Do you think he stuck around? Do you think I ever imagined that he would leave us with no regard for my daughters feelings? Hell no! But...he did. And I, as the single parent am left picking up the pieces to this enormous mess I created. And my daughter, the innocent one in all of this, is left hurting and wondering why another man has left her.
Far too long my focus has been to find that person to help me. That I can rely on. Times up. I'm finally going to rely on just me. If I can prove to myself that I can do this on my own, I won't feel that need to be dependent on someone to help me. It will be hard, and it will be a struggle. But God does not give you what you cannot handle alone. Thank you for this blog.
www.tuppas.com
I am aingle parent of 2 boys.
Since as far back as I can remember I pictured myself marrying a wonderful amazing man who would adore me etc.I had this very unhealthy fantasy that some wonderful man would be my saviour..(all the more so after I started looking for a christian man.)Anyways long story short ,turns out that I have finally found the one true perfect lover/love I was searching for His name is God and His love is my anchor ,the more I know Him the more I want to love Him....Psalm 139 is one of my favourite passages ,I like it because it speaks of how much God knows and cares for every intimate detail.
Well chow for now!
I just love to share the amazing reality that the love that we are searching for is out there... and He will never leave us or forsake us.
blessings!
Single parents who are caring and nurturing are better than two parent homes that are unprepared for child rearing... have you seen Baby Borrowers on tv? They have these teen couples who are total novices trying to feed and bathe babies for the first time. good thing they are only practicing
What you are talking about is a point where many people never get to, single or otherwise. Good for you. :)
I just came across your blog...great post. I agree completely!
I have read the book by Carolyn Ellis, "The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting" which describes the traps, how to recognize them, and how to avoid them:
1. Not Having a Big Picture
2. Getting Hooked by Your Ex Spouse
3. Parenting from Guilt
4. Going for the Martyr Medal
5. Not Putting your Children First, Being Responsible for Your Children's Relationship with Your Ex
6. Living in Chaos
This book is good for single moms and dads and great for their kid/s.
I just came across your blog. Love it. Im a single mom of four...am about to start a single parent group at my church. I love the "mosaic parenting"!!!
It does make sense. Thank you for posting such a great article.
Looking forward to the next one.
Regards,
Ruth
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I agree with you whole heartedly. As a single parent myself I know wha the Tug feels like. I do however think that if you cant live happily alone you cannot live that way with someone else either.
Great Post! Being single parents is not easy. There are lots of struggles that goes on within.
This is an awesome blog. Thanks for sharing.
Very good post! I am a HUGE proponent of doing the 'self' work and doing it often. It has to be way of life. I was brought up in a single parent home and while my mother was a strong, resourceful woman...she did not take the time to work on herself mentally or emotionally. Thus, she was happy of fulfulled. I had to find my own way in the "happiness" area later in life. Things could have been different if she took the time to work on her self as well.
Self-work is actually what defines a single parent. These parents will be forced to develop their self-worth through hard work, dedication, and perseverance. This is most important with divorced parents who have to shed off a chip on their shoulder and has to do extra hard to achieve what they want for their family.
For more advice to smart single parents who have recently divorce, check out free divorce advice.
Watching over your child's growth by yourself is a daunting task for a single parent, but it really depends on how you bring your kid up and how can he understand the predicament. As a recent single parent due to me divorcing my ex-husband due to the violence it deals to the family, also with the help of the divorce lawyers (Jacksonville, FL located office), I finally got separated with my abusive husband.
With my family problem being solved by the divorce lawyer who specializes in family law (Jacksonville, FL), living with my son has been peaceful and fun.
If you want to find true love, visit http://www.livedatesearch.com
Marvelous work pals, I love reading your articles.
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